A New Day

This journey has ended and a new one has begun.

Please join us over at:

www.ourlocolife.blogspot.com

WE ARE UP AND RUNNING.......................

IT'S 11PM, DO U KNOW WHERE YOUR KIDS ARE?

ALL 3 OF MINE ARE TUCKED SAFELY AND SECURELY IN THEIR BEDS, IN MY HOUSE!!!!

We touched down in Hsv at 8:05pm and at 8:20pm.....FOREVER truly began!

There were about 30 people there waiting on us and a news crew. I am so exhausted that I can barely blink, so that will have to hold you for now. I'll post more in a day or so.

Hugs to you all!!!

The Last Post from Guatemala

Today is the day....we go home. Things are not really going as well as I had hoped. Sydney and I are really having a hard time. Honestly, there's no bond there yet......none. I simply feel a lot like a babysitter/diaper changer/bottle maker(yep still taking 4-5 cereal bottles a day)........................a glorified nanny. Now, let me preface what I am about to say with this:

When Sydney is happy, the whole world smiles with her. The sun shines and the birds sing. All the fairies in the land are laughing! We can play. She gives kisses and hugs like crazy. Everything is ok. Get my drift?

Syd is the MOODIEST(most stubborn, strong willed) child I have ever seen. Ya'll can tell me about her "grieving, transition, adjustment, etc" all day long and I will still look you dead in the eye and say she's the MOODIEST kid I have ever seen. I have seen some of this with her fostermom. Tantrums that can blow an eardrum, will turn off and on in the blink of an eye over stuff like:

a diaper change

changing clothes(b/c she's peeing through everything due to the amount of liquids per day)

coming back in the room

taking off her shoes at bedtime

getting off the elevator

getting on the elevator

a bath

I know things will get better once we are home and everyone has their own space. Once she sees how the boys are with me and how they have to mind as well. And really, being cooped up together for 10 days in a hotel room has been an experience I'd just as soon forget to be honest. You can only do so much walking the hotel, playing with the toys that we brought and going "out". Add in sheer exhaustion on my part and you have a recipe for disaster. This hotel bed has been no good for my back in light of my relatively recent back surgery.

Alan and I did have a VERY LONG talk yesterday after I had about the 10th crying spell. We are on the same page and he knows that he's going to have to be patient with me. I know I am exhausted and emotionally spent. it's been a long 2 years and ya know, I didn't "sign up" for a toddler but I have one. I'm going to be adjusting, transitioning too and to be perfectly honest...............I am scared to death. Not to mention a little call to my GP tomorrow for an anxiety med refill. Should have been taking that again weeks ago!!

Anywho --- I'm just trying to get through the day. The airport. The car ride home. Fortunately, it will be late when arrive home(9pm or so). After a day like today and all the hustle/bustle of getting home, I am hoping and praying that we all collapse. In bed. At home!

**Be nice with the comments or I will turn it off again. I don't need criticism. I feel badly enough on my own, thanks.**

Prayers Please.....

Many of you know that I suffer from a condition called "SVT"... supraventriculartachychardia. I have been having an attack today that has left me feeling very crummy. It's hard to catch my breath, my heart races, sick to my stomach, etc. I have not had an attack like this for quite some time and didn't even think to bring my xanax. Well, I'm wishing I had some now. It's the only thing that knocks it out pretty quickly. Knocks me out too but I feel better.

I know that it's been brought on by the emotional "let down" of all that I have felt for the past few days. And has been attacked even more by the anxiety creeping in of having 3 kids at home. Yep, I admit it.....I am very nervous about how this will all go. It's going to take a little time but we'll make it. I just need to feel better pretty soon!!!

WE ARE DONE!! DO YOU HEAR ME? DONE!!!!

AFTER 4 1/2 HOURS AT THE EMBASSY, A SCREAMING KID THAT WASN'T MINE THANK GOODNESS, A COMPUTER SYSTEM FAILURE, HAVING THE WRONG FILE PULLED FOR US AND ONE TEEEEEENT TINY MELTDOWN BY MISS THANG........WE! ARE! DONE!!

Do you hear the HALLELUJAH chorus? Maybe it's just me? We pick up the VISA tomorrow and come home on Thursday!!! SWEET HOME ALABAMA, here we come!!!!

Thank you for all your prayers and positive thoughts. We felt them!!!

Hey waiter, could you make mine a double?

EDITED:

Lots of questions in the comments section and personal emails about why I do certain things. I know that many of you will not agree with us about how we are handling things but really, that's for us to gauge and determine how to handle it.

1) We have given her 5 1/2 days of just about whatever she's wanted, whenever she has wanted it. Up, down, in stroller out of stroller, in crib out of crib. With a blanket without a blanket. Shoes on shoes off. Bottle no bottle. Baby doll no baby doll. Screaming fits, throwing things, kicking, screaming, slapping etc. Crap, on Friday she wanted NOTHING to do with us at all and she preferred her crib ALL day. And ya know what. we let it go and just hung out in the room. Syd in her crib, us watching more subtitles than we thought possible.

2) I am a structure girl a.k.a CONTROL FREAK.....but I have had to relinquish some of that control and it's been pretty dadgum difficult but I'm getting better. We feel that while yes, she is grieving and adjusting, there are certain things that are just not acceptable from the get-go. The sooner we set a precident on that, the better off we all are. You might not agree with that idea but it's not for you to decide.

3) The shoes WERE back on and then she REFUSED to get back in her stroller. Didn't want me, didn't want Dad, didn't want the stroller, didn't want the bed. So we had a SCREAMING TANTRUM for 30 minutes. No idea that something that simple would set her off. It's what we've been doing after we come in from being out. Then we play in the floor or color. Who knew?

There is SO much more that we've dealt with in the past week. Precisely why I haven't blogged. Don't have the energy to rehash it! Please remember, if you have brought home children that were MUCH older than you anticipated, what you went through(maybe even still go through) as you try to introduce them into a new world. I've turned off the comment moderation......I don't need the criticism.

BUT a big thanks to those that supported us in what we're doing and why we've decided to do it that way.......

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Oh my gosh! We had an all out, 30 minute TANTRUM.........why you might ask?

BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE OUT OF HER STROLLER!!!! AND SHE WANTED HER SHOES ON!!!

Ever heard a little girl scream just to be screaming? That's why she screams..... this time for a FULL 30 minutes. When she is getting her way, she is peachy keen and sun is shining! Giving out hugs and kisses, happy as a lark. When she gets told no or things don't go exactly like she wants.... watch out!!! Syd screamed until she was soaked in sweat, and beet red. The minute we had more than plenty and put her in her bed, she turned it off IMMEDIATELY!!! She makes Luke's tantrums look like a beginner!!! This little sister is going to have to get over these little "spells".

I have never, in my entire adult life, seen a child able to scream that loud, for that long, without so much as a lull like that "on demand" and turn it off just as quickly! Things are about to be a-changing!!!

DANG THIS IS HARD!!!

Harder than I ever imagined!! More heartwrenching than I EVER imagined!! The roller coaster of emotion that I feel is UNREAL!!! The roller coaster of emotion she must feel must be 100x's worse. Literally, ONE MINUTE she likes us; the next....NOPE!! There have been moments where I thought I was going to lose my mind!!! Mostly because of the time I have lost and the lack of understanding between us! But also from anger at what has been done to us and Sydney!

We're hanging in there. 2 more wake ups till Embassy Day and 4 more wake ups till we go home! COME ON THURSDAY!!!!

WE ARE COMING HOME A DAY EARLIER!!!!(PICS)

OUR APPOINTMENT HAS CHANGED!!!

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2008

7:15am

We're coming home on THURSDAY!!!

Well, it's been 3 days. Sydney doesn't have much use for me but she's bonded well to Alan. Not an easy pill to swallow but atleast she likes one of us. We went to the central market yesterday. It was pretty awesome. Not enough hands to take many pics. We also got to see the "original" map of the layout of GUATEMALA. WAY COOL!! We'll post pics of that later. We're just hanging out today. Not much planned. Tomorrow is her birthday. Not sure what we're doing for that.

I miss my boys like crazy and I am ready to come home. Please just keep us in your prayers. I desperately need something to click with her to begin the bonding process.

HUGS AND LOVE FOR NOW.................